The title of this blog is in sharp contrast to what I am feeling right now. Truth be told, I am feeling a little sad. In fact, I think that to describe myself as merely “quite sad” is an understatement.
As far as I can remember, I have lived my life in constant dread of sadness. Not because there is nothing to learn about it, but because I never really learned to adjust to its presence in my life. But once again, I am being reminded that it is something that I cannot escape.
It creeps in an almost clandestine manner. The next thing you know, it is in your life.
The funny thing about my current situation is that I am feeling both happy and sad at the same time. I don’t know if you can call this as a natural aberration, but I am almost certain that I am being pinned by two opposing and entirely different dichotomies. Funny thing indeed. But how come I am not laughing?
I am happy because I think I got what I prayed for. I think somebody I know is as happy as that person deserves to be. I got what I have been always praying for.
On the other hand, I am sad because…I lost a dream. A dream that, although not really within my reach, was enough to keep me chasing hope; enough to make my mind obstinately anticipate the coming of the night. Now, I am afraid that my dreams will lack color. And they will be as dark as that which I see when I close my eyes.
I wish I could reason my way out of this. I wish that I can nonchalantly pretend that everything will turn out well. But I am old enough to know that we will go through life without experiencing the fulfillment of all our wishes. After all, we were not born with genies on our side.
But I will walk. I will stand. I will breathe.
The sadness brought by solitude may bring me down, but it will never cripple me. It may prevent me from seeking hope in its specific sense, but it will not kill it altogether. There is still much to look forward to. There is still much to see. And more importantly, there is still much to love.
I wish you well. Goodbye for now....
“Silence is the unbearable repartee.”
As far as I can remember, I have lived my life in constant dread of sadness. Not because there is nothing to learn about it, but because I never really learned to adjust to its presence in my life. But once again, I am being reminded that it is something that I cannot escape.
It creeps in an almost clandestine manner. The next thing you know, it is in your life.
The funny thing about my current situation is that I am feeling both happy and sad at the same time. I don’t know if you can call this as a natural aberration, but I am almost certain that I am being pinned by two opposing and entirely different dichotomies. Funny thing indeed. But how come I am not laughing?
I am happy because I think I got what I prayed for. I think somebody I know is as happy as that person deserves to be. I got what I have been always praying for.
On the other hand, I am sad because…I lost a dream. A dream that, although not really within my reach, was enough to keep me chasing hope; enough to make my mind obstinately anticipate the coming of the night. Now, I am afraid that my dreams will lack color. And they will be as dark as that which I see when I close my eyes.
I wish I could reason my way out of this. I wish that I can nonchalantly pretend that everything will turn out well. But I am old enough to know that we will go through life without experiencing the fulfillment of all our wishes. After all, we were not born with genies on our side.
But I will walk. I will stand. I will breathe.
The sadness brought by solitude may bring me down, but it will never cripple me. It may prevent me from seeking hope in its specific sense, but it will not kill it altogether. There is still much to look forward to. There is still much to see. And more importantly, there is still much to love.
I wish you well. Goodbye for now....
“Silence is the unbearable repartee.”
8 comments:
Although it seems easier said than done ... keep smiling Cid! Everything will be beautiful ... in His time! :-)
its a good thing for us to feel what we called 'sadness'...for us to discern, to know, to feel a simple word, 'happiness'.
cheer up man! :-)
eh ano pa bang mas hihirap sa isang pagmamahal na alam na niyang nanjan lang pero nilalagpasan lang? na di mo alam kung sino at ano ka sa buhay niya? at kung magkakaron pa ba ng 'kayo' matapos niyang sabihing 'hindi pa ngayon ang tamang pagkakataon...' mas masakit ang pakiramdam kung ayun nga at di mo pinigilan, naglakas loob kang ipaalam, pero parang nagbibingibingihan naman ang taong nilapitan at kinatok ng pagmamahal mo.... ano pang mas sasaya don?
mas mainam nga na pinaalam, kaysa habang buhay na pagsisihang..hindi nya nasabi manlang.
Huli man daw at magaling, eh huli pa rin..... nde ukol kaya dapat bumukol!
Ang ganda naman, parang malungkot na masaya, ewan sa tingin ko sa sobrang lalim eh, kailangan ko pang magscuba dive para magets. Dont you worry, gaya ng lagi ko ng cnsabi sau, eh lilipas din yan, at least naranasan mo na, alam mo na next time ang gagawin, nde bagay sau ang magsenti, laos na yun. Cheer up, kase yun ka. :p
T H A T ' S L I F E .
but you can choose to be happy despite that. happiness is in your hands. you are the master of your soul and the captain of your ship. life is what you make it. focus on the positive feeling. there's nothing that can make you feel better but acceptance.
Post a Comment