Goodbye Blog

They say that “one” is the loneliest number. If “one” is the loneliest number, I think “goodbye” is the loneliest word.

I never really learned how to properly say the word goodbye. Considering that it is only a two syllable word, and although I can pronounce it correctly, I never learned how to mean it.

When you say goodbye, it means you have to leave. You have to let go of so many things. But in my case, there are a lot of things that I hold on to. And that is where my problem lies. Well, at least that’s what I think.

Much of the sadness that I’m feeling right now can be attributed to my inability to give-up on certain things in my life. Although “not giving up” may sometimes be considered as a good characteristic, it is not so when it comes to dealing with things that are irrefragably out of reach. Though I am possessed with the ability to discern between those which I can do, and those things which I can’t, I still have to work on the skill of accepting the things that I have done, but have nevertheless lost. It’s a skill that we all have to learn because losing something is an unavoidable fact of life.

I keep remembering things and thoughts that I have so desperately tried to forget. But the more I try to forget, the more I remember. It’s futile. Really, it is. It’s like trying to breathe underwater. You inhale thinking that doing so would relax you. But as soon as you do, you realize that holding your breathe is far better than trying to breathe-in water. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all. But at least to me it does.

Everybody has to say goodbye. That may not be an acceptable proposition for others but that is the truth. No matter how much we love someone, no matter how much we care for somebody, there will come a time when we have to bear the burden of separation; we will have to suffer the hurt caused by letting go.

I have come to realize that paths will not always cross the way we want them to. The road you choose will not always lead you to your destination. And that circumstances will not always occur the way we want it to.

I think I know why I’m finding hard it hard to say goodbye. I think it is because when you say goodbye to a person, what actually happens, what you actually do, is you bid farewell to the individual – that’s all. You don’t bid farewell to the memories. You don’t bid farewell to those feelings that you have come to associate with him or her. Bidding farewell to those things is, to put it bluntly, almost next to impossible. To that precise extent, I agree that there really are no goodbyes, only see you later ons.

“Di ko na kayang mabuhay sa kahapon
Kaya mula ngayon…
Mula ngayon….
Magpapaalam na sa’yo ang aking kuwarto”
Kuwarto by sugarfree